Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
