My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
