Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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