There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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