He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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