SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
