Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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