A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
