eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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