Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
