I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
