you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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