Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can text with my tongue
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
