i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
