i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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