Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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