she woke up with a sticky ear
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm always down for nudity.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
