For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
