Umm I'm too high to move.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
