3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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