I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
