I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
