do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
