hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
