omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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