Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
