So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
