and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
