whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
