Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
