Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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