i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did I show you my penis last night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
