Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
