my sisters under your porch take her home
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
