you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
