Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
