Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
