i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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