I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
