Can i not drive my cunt home
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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