Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
