This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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