She's JV to your varsity
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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