he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
