And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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