My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
