I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
