rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
