is your mom at the bar?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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