You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
