Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
