please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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