just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
