If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
