Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
