It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
