we're chasing vodka with high fives
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
