a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
