He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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