He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
