Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Alive.
So much puke
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
