I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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