If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
