i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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