boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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